Life & Death

It has been challenging since I started my tattoo journey and yesterday when I watched the documentary, Herd (2016) I found out why. In Herd they speak about the land in the documentary having dragon energy, the same as my tattoo, and that dragon energy is all about transformation. This is exactly where I am. I thought that I’ll have my ceremony on 15 March 2021 and simply step into my new identity. I didn’t realise that it will be a process and that I still needed to release things that no longer serve me to make room for the new.

I’ve been sad and extremely sensitive, sometimes not as severe, but other times I can’t be around others or simply jump onto Facebook or Instagram. I’ve been releasing known & unknown things. I’m not sure where this journey will lead me to next, but like today, I am sad. Some of the sadness has to do with me letting go of my fur kids, but I don’t know where most of it comes from. I also don’t need to know.

Bella has been very ill for about a week. She was on allopathic medication for 4 days, and now she’s only on homeopathic remedies. Bella getting ill has been cyclical, helping me to slowly and gradually let the girls go. I don’t know what life would be like without them. I will miss them tremendously once they transition to the spiritual realm. They’ve been my focus for the past 13/14 years. They are my healers, my fur kids. I am so grateful that they chose me to be their mum. They’ve forced me to step up, learn new skills and step into my power. I’ve even studied ethology & became a groomer because of them. I opened my heart again to myself.

I am alive today because of Bella & Tessa. They gave me a reason to get up each morning during my worst depression. I needed to take care of them, feed them, groom them, chat with them, run/walk them & let them know that they were safe and showed them that they could trust people again. I’ve always had a strong bond with animals. I understood them & they me without having to utter a word. I’ve always grown up with dogs around me. But for 1 year we stayed in a place where I couldn’t have pets and had no access to animals. My depression got extremely bad. We moved homes so that I could have fur kids. All my husband wanted was to make me happy. And even though we couldn’t find a buyer for our old home, we bought a little house where we could have 2 small dogs. I convinced him in December 2007/8 that we should go to the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals).

The day we visited the SPCA was the first day Bella & Tessa was available for public viewing. This was no coincidence. It was divine timing and the girls had called out to us on an intuitive level. It was a Saturday morning. Before this they were kept separate because they were evidence in a court case. We were only going to look. We were not planning to adopt any dogs yet. But as soon as my husband saw Tessa, it was love at first sight. We spoke to the people at reception, and we told them that we were looking for 2 dogs and that we were interested in Tessa. They sent us back and told us that there was a grey dog that came in with Tessa. Grey dogs are generally not noticed in kennels, since they blend into the concrete surroundings. And I believe that Bella out of her fear of humans was in the back of the kennel the first time we walked past. When we got to the kennel, I saw Bella. As soon as I saw her soulful eyes, the connection was made. They had been abandoned & neglected by humans, yet they were willing to love and trust again. That is extremely powerful. Yes, there are things in Tessa’s past that she doesn’t want to talk about and might never talk about and that’s ok. It is her journey. She has decided to start afresh with us, and I am so grateful for it.

Tessa has a strong connection with me & Bella has a strong connection with my husband. As I grew, so did Tessa. Today we both stand in our power with unconditional love & sovereignty. We are courageous and bold and embrace being who we are meant to be. We both struggled with severe anxiety, but there is not even a trace of that with us anymore. I was in such a bad state and only she could pull me out of it. It was at a stage in my life when I didn’t allow people that close to me, not even my husband. It was simply because there were so many things that I couldn’t talk about. I didn’t even know how or where the start and Tessa simply knew what I was dealing with. She also knew when I needed her, and I knew when she needed me.

Bella taught me that I could trust people again. She had been badly abused. We couldn’t touch her, when she first came home, but she got so used to us during the first December we spent together (when they came home for the first time) that she had separation anxiety when we needed to go back to work in January. Luckily my husband & I both worked 5 minutes from home, so we would often come home for lunch, and we started socialisation classes with an animal whisperer that worked with traumatised adult dogs.

Today I am extremely grateful that they entered our lives, and my husband feels the same way.

The girls taught me to:

• Live in the moment (Be present)

• Be patient

• Speak my truth

• Shine my light

• Stand up for myself

• Love unconditionally

• Embrace my true essence

• Accept and love myself as I am

• Know that I am loved

• Reconnect to my intuition

• Reconnect to my psychic abilities

• Know that I am enough

• Be a fur mom

• Accept things as they are

• Love life

• Remember how to practice gratitude

I understand that everything has a beginning & and ending. It’s the cycle of life. Where there is birth there will be death. The girls have and are still adding so much love and beauty to my life and even though it has been hard work, especially these past 3 years as they became older, I take care of them with unconditional love and a deep sense of gratitude, appreciating every moment I have with them. I also know that this journey with their physical being will come to an end, and it will make room for the new that has to enter my life.

For now, I’m just enjoying watching them sleep as I release more and more that no longer serve my highest good. It is all part of this journey called life.