Revelation

I always thought that maybe, just maybe I was an extrovert in hiding. The reason being that up until age 6 I absolutely loved interacting with others. But from continuous experiences I’ve had, it made me realise that humans can be cruel, inconsiderate and their love conditional. Even those that called me their friend. All my life I’ve felt what they felt and knew that there was trauma behind this cruelty. Looking back, I know this is no excuse for such behaviour. But I allowed myself to be abused and used by people just so that I could “belong”.

Ever since I can remember I never felt like I belonged here, on this planet. I felt too different… alien. And at first, I assumed most people functioned as I did, but talking about it made me more prone to being bullied. So, I hid who I am. I couldn’t pretend to be someone I’m not, so I retreated and kept most of who I am to myself. My family didn’t even understand me. So, for all my life up until 2013 I lived a life that I believed was expected of me. I loved participating in sports because I could shut the rest of the world out, so I became an athlete. I was really good at what I did, but I never worked too hard so that I could still stay in hiding. I became the engineer since people noticed my analytical and logical abilities. I kept friends at a distance, never letting them close enough to notice how weird and alien I really was. And this had manifested physically as me being born into a body that affirmed that I didn’t fit in. Not coloured enough, not black enough, not white enough. My hair not straight enough, not curly enough. This was all just a reflection of my internal dialogue.

Looking back, I realise that on a physical level I felt abandoned by my ancestors and my galactic family. I had agreed to incarnate into this body to come and do specific work on the planet, but I didn’t have the tools to navigate this world. As a child it was extremely difficult and overwhelming. Who I am and what I am capable of was not accepted and understood by loved ones. It was feared. I felt like my true self was feared by humans. So, into hiding I went and stayed.

I’m grateful that my ancestors and galactic family never gave up on me, even if it felt like it at times. Thanks to my ailing body in 2012 – 2013 I could no longer avoid the call from my ancestors and I started to reconnect to them. More recently I reconnected to my beautiful galactic family. After meeting them I realised why I had this longing in me. Connecting with them felt like I was finally home. It explained why I had this feeling of being homesick (earth didn’t feel like home). Why I struggle to acknowledge and accept that I am on this planet. Why I struggle to anchor into this world. It is extremely intense, extremely dense. It explains my naivety. But I’ve chosen to incarnate to do specific spiritual work. It makes me unrelatable to most people. So, instead of hiding from those that cannot accept me as I am. I’m very selective as to who I allow into my close circle.

As a person who is super sensitive and can fully feel others' emotions as if it were my own, I choose to be an introvert. It is the most ideal situation for me at this moment. Before, I could feel every single person’s emotion believing it to be my own. It caused me great anxiety and severe depression. But with “training” and practice I can now choose what I feel from others.

Being around people that do not accept me is not worth it and it is extremely tiring. So I use my alone time to replenish, work and take care of myself. I love myself and have no reason to try to be something that I’m not so that I could have more friends. I choose to spend my time with people that accept me as I am, even if they don’t understand me.

I am socially awkward and weird. I am me and I have no need to fit in any longer. I was never meant to. I have no need to belong anymore. I can see a bigger picture. I am here to serve humanity and this role keeps on evolving, but it’s always to serve humanity in some way.