Trust & Flow

With supporting my fur child, Tessa, as best as I could after her sister's passing, it meant being available all the time to make sure she was ok. She didn't want to be left alone (this is still the case) and she's also preparing to transition to the spiritual realm. This means lots of conversations with her and continuously checking in to see what she needs. Her physical abilities are also declining, so the studio is no longer a safe and comfortable space for her. This meant limiting my studio time to weekends so that Rivash could support her while I was in the studio.

When I wanted to go back into the studio to start working on my latest body of work, I had a bad fall while carrying Tessa and severely hurt my knee. Yep, me and knees... whenever I go through massive shifts something happens to my knees as I resist change. And all of this while I know that this change is for my highest good. But never was it as severe. I couldn't get into the studio and basically had to stay off my feet for about a week and a half. This was my higher self’s way of forcing me to stop, be still and simply allow things to flow to the surface. Also, if I hadn’t slowed down, I would not have realised how much more of me Tessa needed. So, no coping mechanisms, not even my art that I usually use to process emotions that surface. This challenged me severely. I noticed during this period that old me would have panicked because of lurking deadlines. Instead, I trusted that everything was always for my highest good, even when it didn't feel like it at the time. So, I trusted and allowed the process to unfold. As my knee got better, I could slowly start working in the studio with limited movement. I realised that my initial schedule of only working on weekends was not going to allow me to meet the deadline for my body of work. A thought (guidance) popped into my head: work from 3am - 6am. I did exactly that. Every morning I got into the studio at 3am and could work for a solid 3 hours, undisturbed. So, while the rest of the suburb was asleep, I stopped and listened to the owl and sometimes when the sky was clear enjoyed watching the stars as I walked to my studio. It was a beautiful way to start the morning and to get ready to open up and call in my ancestors as they guided me through the process. I also listened to the Celestial Music of Joao Cota-Robles through Frederic Delarue - A Healing Gift to Humanity during my mornings in the studio. Because of my new early morning work schedule, it meant that I could support Tessa during the day

It was an interesting process with a lot of trial and error at the beginning as I wanted to sculpt what I was initially shown. None of my usual ways worked. I looked at alternatives and changed my sculpting process. However, after starting to feel frustrated, another thought (guidance) popped into my head: go with the flow. I got out of my head and allowed the clay and what it wanted to do to guide me. That flow has come through in the sculptures. I felt the presence of divine feminine energies, soft, gentle, nurturing, loving & flowing energies while I created the sculptures. And as a bonus, after firing my “white” clay, or so I thought, I realised that I had made a mistake and used a pinkish clay instead. This pink clay beautifully ties in with the pink colour of the heart chakra and the divine feminine energies I experienced. I believe that there are no such things as mistakes, simply divine intervention. Old me would have freaked out noticing the pink clay. But I prefer this me, much calmer and accepting of opportunities and no longer striving for perfection or a perception of it.

So here I am going through another massive shift. This time round, staying present makes all the difference. There’s no self-talk about what could have or should have. There's also not lots of frantic perfectionist type planning and scheduling. It's simply being with this moment and making the best decision with the information I have available. It's a much easier and simpler way of living.